Comments on: Beautiful Boy: My Answer to David’s Question http://addictionmanagement.org/2010/01/beautiful-boy-my-answer-to-davids-questions/ Solving the problem of addiction Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:50:07 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: admin http://addictionmanagement.org/2010/01/beautiful-boy-my-answer-to-davids-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-688 admin Mon, 12 Jul 2010 12:41:00 +0000 http://addictionmanagement.org/?p=587#comment-688 Emily, thanks for feedback and question. I think many are now understanding that addiction is a "chronic" condition, but we should realize that just like most things in life, there are many shades of gray to chronic. I continue to believe that both the fields of addiction and chronic medical illness can benefit from each other by combining wisdom from their respective fields. I am sorry to say that since my post in January I have not read Tweak, but I still plan to in the near future - thanks for the reminder. As to your question, what comes after management of addiction and resolving the root causes? <a href="http://addictionmanagement.org/2009/08/the-power-to-create-and-move-beyond-addiction/" rel="nofollow">Create</a>. You are absolutely right that only working on the pathological side of the equation is not enough. To solve the problem of addiction, people need to go beyond management and resolution work and figure out what they want to create in life. The forces of creation are powerful, and if people do not engage in life in a meaningful way and find purpose (and nurturing relationships), then long-term success from addiction is challenging. J Emily, thanks for feedback and question. I think many are now understanding that addiction is a “chronic” condition, but we should realize that just like most things in life, there are many shades of gray to chronic. I continue to believe that both the fields of addiction and chronic medical illness can benefit from each other by combining wisdom from their respective fields.

I am sorry to say that since my post in January I have not read Tweak, but I still plan to in the near future – thanks for the reminder. As to your question, what comes after management of addiction and resolving the root causes? Create. You are absolutely right that only working on the pathological side of the equation is not enough. To solve the problem of addiction, people need to go beyond management and resolution work and figure out what they want to create in life. The forces of creation are powerful, and if people do not engage in life in a meaningful way and find purpose (and nurturing relationships), then long-term success from addiction is challenging.

J

]]> By: Emily Pierce http://addictionmanagement.org/2010/01/beautiful-boy-my-answer-to-davids-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-685 Emily Pierce Mon, 12 Jul 2010 03:16:24 +0000 http://addictionmanagement.org/?p=587#comment-685 Hi John, I'm reading Tweak right now, and plan on reading Beautiful Boy in the near future. Have you read Tweak since your post in January? I can't agree enough that treating addiction as an acute problem is merely a band-aid to the real issue. Before last Wednesday, however, I would not have viewed it as a chronic problem either. "Chronic" to me has always meant back pain or arthritis... because after all, addiction can be avoided through lifestyle choices and behavior change, right? From reading Tweak and your professional viewpoint, I see that I was wrong. My question for you, is once the illness has been addressed and the root causes have been identified, then what?? It's hard for me to imagine that talking about a traumatic childhood (for example) will kick the addiction. Thanks for the words of encouragement, Emily Hi John,

I’m reading Tweak right now, and plan on reading Beautiful Boy in the near future. Have you read Tweak since your post in January?

I can’t agree enough that treating addiction as an acute problem is merely a band-aid to the real issue. Before last Wednesday, however, I would not have viewed it as a chronic problem either. “Chronic” to me has always meant back pain or arthritis… because after all, addiction can be avoided through lifestyle choices and behavior change, right? From reading Tweak and your professional viewpoint, I see that I was wrong.

My question for you, is once the illness has been addressed and the root causes have been identified, then what?? It’s hard for me to imagine that talking about a traumatic childhood (for example) will kick the addiction.
Thanks for the words of encouragement,

Emily

]]> By: admin http://addictionmanagement.org/2010/01/beautiful-boy-my-answer-to-davids-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-679 admin Fri, 09 Jul 2010 14:30:42 +0000 http://addictionmanagement.org/?p=587#comment-679 Gwen, Beautiful Boy is well written, but offers little in the way of long-term solutions to addiction. I am sorry to hear about your son and his struggles. Even though relapse can be painful for loved ones, the upside is that it has the potential to motivate action in a positive direction. The key is making sure your son knows what to do when the window of motivation to change opens. He likely would benefit from the same thing you feel you have missed in therapy. If you continue to relive the past (flashbacks/dreams), cannot let go of guilt (and/or shame), and continue to struggle in relationships, then you likely require specific therapies designed to heal trauma, catch you up developmentally so relationships can flourish, and release you from shame and guilt. I would surmise your son would benefit from the same thing. I would suggest starting with some great reads: 1) <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Body-Remembers-Psychophysiology-Trauma-Treatment/dp/0393703274/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278624513&sr=8-1" rel="nofollow">The Body Remembers </a></em>and 2) <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Keys-Safe-Trauma-Recovery-Take-Charge/dp/0393706052/ref=pd_sim_b_2" rel="nofollow">8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery</a> </em>- both by Babette Rothschild. They will provide a solid foundation for understanding how the past links with the present, and how to deal with the untreated issues in a very safe, slow, and predictable way. It may also be useful to seek out a therapist who is an expert in treating trauma. Congradulations on 18 years of sobriety, that is a significant accomplishment! Keep praying, and keeping working it. J Gwen,

Beautiful Boy is well written, but offers little in the way of long-term solutions to addiction. I am sorry to hear about your son and his struggles. Even though relapse can be painful for loved ones, the upside is that it has the potential to motivate action in a positive direction. The key is making sure your son knows what to do when the window of motivation to change opens. He likely would benefit from the same thing you feel you have missed in therapy. If you continue to relive the past (flashbacks/dreams), cannot let go of guilt (and/or shame), and continue to struggle in relationships, then you likely require specific therapies designed to heal trauma, catch you up developmentally so relationships can flourish, and release you from shame and guilt. I would surmise your son would benefit from the same thing. I would suggest starting with some great reads: 1) The Body Remembers and 2) 8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery - both by Babette Rothschild. They will provide a solid foundation for understanding how the past links with the present, and how to deal with the untreated issues in a very safe, slow, and predictable way. It may also be useful to seek out a therapist who is an expert in treating trauma. Congradulations on 18 years of sobriety, that is a significant accomplishment! Keep praying, and keeping working it.

J

]]> By: Gwen Cowan http://addictionmanagement.org/2010/01/beautiful-boy-my-answer-to-davids-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-678 Gwen Cowan Thu, 08 Jul 2010 18:52:47 +0000 http://addictionmanagement.org/?p=587#comment-678 I have not read Beautiful Boy but I do have the book. My daughter read it and told me how good it was. I feel like I have lived the book because I have a son that is an addict. I have lived through 41 years of addiction. My son is a perfect example of this. He has been in and out of treatment many times. He quit drinking for ten years but never did deal with his problems. He had some extreme events happen to him in his childhood. He chose to only look at the good things in his life. I gave him permission to get as angry as he needed to with me so he could get out the truth of what happened to him. He refused. I begged him to go to therapy, a priest, a good friend or anyone that might he would trust to talk to but he just wanted to remember the good times. He relapsed and the sad story is too long to tell. I have read Tweek and really enjoyed this book. I am an alcoholic and I can see his tweeking by the way his mind flits from one subject to another. I have been sober 18 years and I have been to therapy for the entire time. I still have problems with relationships. I deal with my childhood problems on a daily basis even though I have done intensive therapy on what I felt the problems were. I think that I have missed something because I can not let go of my guilt and I relive a lot of my past in my dreams and how I deal with my life. I can only pray! I have not read Beautiful Boy but I do have the book. My daughter read it and told me how good it was. I feel like I have lived the book because I have a son that is an addict. I have lived through 41 years of addiction. My son is a perfect example of this. He has been in and out of treatment many times. He quit drinking for ten years but never did deal with his problems. He had some extreme events happen to him in his childhood. He chose to only look at the good things in his life. I gave him permission to get as angry as he needed to with me so he could get out the truth of what happened to him. He refused. I begged him to go to therapy, a priest, a good friend or anyone that might he would trust to talk to but he just wanted to remember the good times. He relapsed and the sad story is too long to tell. I have read Tweek and really enjoyed this book. I am an alcoholic and I can see his tweeking by the way his mind flits from one subject to another. I have been sober 18 years and I have been to therapy for the entire time. I still have problems with relationships. I deal with my childhood problems on a daily basis even though I have done intensive therapy on what I felt the problems were. I think that I have missed something because I can not let go of my guilt and I relive a lot of my past in my dreams and how I deal with my life. I can only pray!

]]> By: AllisonK http://addictionmanagement.org/2010/01/beautiful-boy-my-answer-to-davids-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-621 AllisonK Mon, 03 May 2010 06:21:28 +0000 http://addictionmanagement.org/?p=587#comment-621 I am reading this book for my Drug Education class at PSU and I knew that I would have a hard time with it, before I even opened it. In the first chapter, it makes you feel hopefully and positive that he wants to change and has. But by the end of the chapter, you find out that it's all a show and he's just being sneaky to try not to let his parents down so bad. I will not know first-hand what it is like for parent to have these feeling about their son, but I do know what it is like to watch a love one fall. It's interesting to hear different information/facts, such as in your lecture, to help us cope with an addiction ourselves, or with a loved one. There's so much information out there and it's hard know which one to believe or fit to your addict. I think the only way is to get inside their brains to see what really is causing this because so many treatment programs just do not work anymore. Slowly the addict and even their family will start giving up. My brother is 26 and just got his 3rd DUI a couple months ago. He's social, funny, a hard-worker, smart, but keeps going back to that completely blitzed phase that he loves so much. It's so hard for my parents who just want the best for him and to keep seeing him screw up time after time. I could feel for David and his pain when he was so hopeful and counting the days he thought he was sober, only to be let down again and get his hopes completely shattered. I want to read Nic's book to see his point of view to see what the mind of an addict thinks like. We can all assume and pretend like we know, but it only comes down to them and their decision to change or not. I am reading this book for my Drug Education class at PSU and I knew that I would have a hard time with it, before I even opened it. In the first chapter, it makes you feel hopefully and positive that he wants to change and has. But by the end of the chapter, you find out that it’s all a show and he’s just being sneaky to try not to let his parents down so bad. I will not know first-hand what it is like for parent to have these feeling about their son, but I do know what it is like to watch a love one fall. It’s interesting to hear different information/facts, such as in your lecture, to help us cope with an addiction ourselves, or with a loved one. There’s so much information out there and it’s hard know which one to believe or fit to your addict. I think the only way is to get inside their brains to see what really is causing this because so many treatment programs just do not work anymore. Slowly the addict and even their family will start giving up.

My brother is 26 and just got his 3rd DUI a couple months ago. He’s social, funny, a hard-worker, smart, but keeps going back to that completely blitzed phase that he loves so much. It’s so hard for my parents who just want the best for him and to keep seeing him screw up time after time. I could feel for David and his pain when he was so hopeful and counting the days he thought he was sober, only to be let down again and get his hopes completely shattered.

I want to read Nic’s book to see his point of view to see what the mind of an addict thinks like. We can all assume and pretend like we know, but it only comes down to them and their decision to change or not.

]]> By: admin http://addictionmanagement.org/2010/01/beautiful-boy-my-answer-to-davids-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-620 admin Wed, 28 Apr 2010 22:08:31 +0000 http://addictionmanagement.org/?p=587#comment-620 Nice comment and I agree that some of the advice David received was not so good. Treatment is a good value when done on an outpatient basis, but evaluating the cost-benefit profile of residential treatment is more challenging. Many of the programs cost $1000 to $1500 per day, so after a month of care, the bill is the price of a very nice new car. My primary criticism of residential care is that it attempts to solve a chronic problem with an acute-based solution. I know that most programs will say that they provide the foundation for chronic care following inpatient treatment, and encourage outpatient and self-help meetings following discharge...but significant evidence points to outpatient being as effective as residential care in the longterm. What is the most important factor in outcomes? It goes back to "client-therapist" relationship. If money is no issue, residential treatment may be something to consider. But in cases where money is an issue, I am skeptical of the value of residential treatment compared to using the money in other productive ways (e.g., seeing a private-practice therapist threes per week and combining the sessions with medication therapy for example). J Nice comment and I agree that some of the advice David received was not so good. Treatment is a good value when done on an outpatient basis, but evaluating the cost-benefit profile of residential treatment is more challenging. Many of the programs cost $1000 to $1500 per day, so after a month of care, the bill is the price of a very nice new car. My primary criticism of residential care is that it attempts to solve a chronic problem with an acute-based solution. I know that most programs will say that they provide the foundation for chronic care following inpatient treatment, and encourage outpatient and self-help meetings following discharge…but significant evidence points to outpatient being as effective as residential care in the longterm. What is the most important factor in outcomes? It goes back to “client-therapist” relationship. If money is no issue, residential treatment may be something to consider. But in cases where money is an issue, I am skeptical of the value of residential treatment compared to using the money in other productive ways (e.g., seeing a private-practice therapist threes per week and combining the sessions with medication therapy for example).

J

]]> By: Meghan Von Tersch http://addictionmanagement.org/2010/01/beautiful-boy-my-answer-to-davids-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-619 Meghan Von Tersch Wed, 28 Apr 2010 18:25:31 +0000 http://addictionmanagement.org/?p=587#comment-619 I also read this book and thought it was amazing how he wrote with such honestly, however I couldn't help but get frustrated with some of his ideas and opinions he recieved. I was confused when multiple people in his life kept suggesting "cut off all ties- don't speak to him, don't give him money, don't help him in any way, don't let him live in your house, etc.." That was crazy to me... I personaly feel like gicing up on him completely would further his addiction and he would most likely end up dead. I fully understand not giving him cash, which he would obviously use for drugs, but I agree with what David did when he only provided money for rehab. One other frustrating thing was how expensive rehab really is... never having experienced rehab myself or in my close family I had no idea how much it costs for treatment. The cost just seems like it will continue the negative cycle because no addict is able to affort it, and people who are cut off from their family aren't able to afford it, so how will they ever get help? I also read this book and thought it was amazing how he wrote with such honestly, however I couldn’t help but get frustrated with some of his ideas and opinions he recieved. I was confused when multiple people in his life kept suggesting “cut off all ties- don’t speak to him, don’t give him money, don’t help him in any way, don’t let him live in your house, etc..” That was crazy to me… I personaly feel like gicing up on him completely would further his addiction and he would most likely end up dead. I fully understand not giving him cash, which he would obviously use for drugs, but I agree with what David did when he only provided money for rehab. One other frustrating thing was how expensive rehab really is… never having experienced rehab myself or in my close family I had no idea how much it costs for treatment. The cost just seems like it will continue the negative cycle because no addict is able to affort it, and people who are cut off from their family aren’t able to afford it, so how will they ever get help?

]]> By: admin http://addictionmanagement.org/2010/01/beautiful-boy-my-answer-to-davids-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-567 admin Thu, 04 Mar 2010 03:17:19 +0000 http://addictionmanagement.org/?p=587#comment-567 I have still not read it yet, but all reviews so far have been very positive. Will read on my next plane ride in a few weeks. J I have still not read it yet, but all reviews so far have been very positive. Will read on my next plane ride in a few weeks.

J

]]> By: JRyan http://addictionmanagement.org/2010/01/beautiful-boy-my-answer-to-davids-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-563 JRyan Thu, 04 Mar 2010 01:22:23 +0000 http://addictionmanagement.org/?p=587#comment-563 I bought Tweak for my youngest son and Beautiful Boy for myself. Although I haven't finished reading Beautiful Boy yet, my son zipped through Tweak (pun intended) and asked me to buy three more copies for his friends. The writing style in Tweak reflects the pace of a meth lifestyle and made a real impact on my opioid/alcohol-using son because it mirrored the addiction behavior of so many other drugs. I bought Tweak for my youngest son and Beautiful Boy for myself. Although I haven’t finished reading Beautiful Boy yet, my son zipped through Tweak (pun intended) and asked me to buy three more copies for his friends.

The writing style in Tweak reflects the pace of a meth lifestyle and made a real impact on my opioid/alcohol-using son because it mirrored the addiction behavior of so many other drugs.

]]> By: admin http://addictionmanagement.org/2010/01/beautiful-boy-my-answer-to-davids-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-551 admin Wed, 24 Feb 2010 14:34:46 +0000 http://addictionmanagement.org/?p=587#comment-551 Glad you found the site, and sorry to hear about your son. Be sure to check out <a href="http://addictionmanagement.org/my-child/" rel="nofollow">my child</a> information and resources. Also, reading the <a href="http://addictionmanagement.org/top-five-things-you-should-know-about-addiction/" rel="nofollow">Five Critical Things to Know</a> about addiction will provide additional information about addiction being a chronic condition. Long-term solutions necessitate identifying key leverage points for change that most often perpetuate ongoing addictive behavior. Most commonly, they include untreated traumas, and the fact that addiction treatment does not address <em>developmental deficits and constrictions </em>- issues that require ongoing therapy by a skilled clinician. If your son remains an emotional 10 year-old, then no treatment will have great long-term outcomes because it is hard to successfully be in initimate relationships, hold down a good job, parent, and deepen all that life has to offer with the emotional skills of a child. Good luck, hang in there, have hope...there is a solution to addiction: manage the chronic problems, resolve the underlying traumas and developmental issues, and access creativity - it is the forcefield of life. J Glad you found the site, and sorry to hear about your son. Be sure to check out my child information and resources. Also, reading the Five Critical Things to Know about addiction will provide additional information about addiction being a chronic condition.

Long-term solutions necessitate identifying key leverage points for change that most often perpetuate ongoing addictive behavior. Most commonly, they include untreated traumas, and the fact that addiction treatment does not address developmental deficits and constrictions - issues that require ongoing therapy by a skilled clinician. If your son remains an emotional 10 year-old, then no treatment will have great long-term outcomes because it is hard to successfully be in initimate relationships, hold down a good job, parent, and deepen all that life has to offer with the emotional skills of a child.

Good luck, hang in there, have hope…there is a solution to addiction: manage the chronic problems, resolve the underlying traumas and developmental issues, and access creativity – it is the forcefield of life.

J

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