Only recently have I began to understand how significant his death has been in my life, and how early trauma has played a role in my experiencing numerous deaths as traumatic. A few years ago very close friends all died tragically in a plane crash in Alaska, and a couple of years ago a cousin took his own life. Collectively, these events have made it very difficult for me to be completely conscious, emotionally open, and accepting of death when it occurs. For many who struggle with addiction, death is one of those topics that goes straight to the core. In fact, death goes deep with all of us.

It is challenging to fully live in the present if we have not faced on some level our own mortality. More and more I find myself staring into the mirror wondering “who is that guy“…wondering where the youthful look, hair, and energy have gone. As I watch my son with boundless energy want to stay up all night building legos, I remember the late nighters in college that came effortlessly. Now, I can’t wait to crawl into bed early and let my body rest. Perhaps it has something to do with the increasing pace of life, but I know also that before long (if it has not already happened), I will be on the downside of the curve. Life is finite, my own death inevitable. I also know that as I grow older I will increasingly lose those I love most. But the gift of life is that we can use it to prepare for death – our own and others. It should not be an overwhelming, paralyzing experience. How am I working the issue of death?

• Trauma resolution: I am identifying traumatic life events, particularly those that have been closely linked to death, and then slowly, safely, allowing myself to connect the memories to the emotional experiences. Trauma work ultimately is about integration: head, heart, body, mind, spirit, feelings, thoughts, behaviors - all aligned.
• Meditation: I find meditating on death a great way to peel the onion, remove the layers of fear, and connect with a core part of myself that does not fear dying and realizes that we ultimately die as we live.
• Meaning/Purpose: As I get older I realize more and more the importance of identifying what gives my life meaning, and then aligning my actions with that purpose. Family first, everything else second.
• Grief/Sadness:  I feel…experience…stay with…breath…
• Unfinished Business: I know there will always be unfinished business, that is part of life. So for me this really is about the present, and how I am spending my time. It’s not so much how many “to do’s” I was able to check off the list, but more about whether I had the right things on the list to begin with.
• Visit those who are gone: No, I don’t participate in seances, but visting the gravesites of those I have known is a concrete way to embrace my own mortality.
• Faith: It all comes down to faith, the forcefield of life. Death is the great mystery, and what’s on the otherside is reflected in my relationship to that which is beyond myself. The infinite.

“Life is 70% maintenance. I think of myself as a shopkeeper or bee keeper. I’m learning the business of building a life. Instead of getting instant gratification by getting high, I push my nose as far into the grindstone as I can. The honey, the reward, is the feeling of well-being, the continuity, the sense that I am walking toward the place I want to go.”

Unfortunately, many who struggle with addiction have no idea where they want to go in life, or what they might want to create. If you are an artist or musician creativity comes with the territory, but for the rest of us -  the power of creativity can remain illusive. One reason is that the process of creating is not taught in our educational system, and in fact, Sir Ken Robinson has spoken out strongly on how our current system actually does the opposite (please watch this amazing presentation – you will not be disappointed). But all is not lost…

Recently, I picked-up a book at a bake sale that brilliantly answers the question of what we should create in our life and how to go about making it happen:  Me to We: Finding Meaning in a Material World by Craig and Marc Kielburger. These two Canadian brothers reveal through their own journeys how a focus on gratitude, empathy, and creating community leads to a life of happiness and fulfillment beyond any material possessions. From their personal encounters with Mother Teresa in the slums of Calcutta, to helping those dying of AIDS in Thailand, to creating one of the largest non-profit foundations for children, Free the Children, these guys provide the broad brush strokes for how to create a life more powerful than addiction. The essence of me to we is that by helping others we help ourselves find meaning and purpose in life – and we make the world a better place. What I like most about me to we is that it ultimately is about creating nurturing relationships with people – exactly what needs to happen if we are to move beyond addiction.